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Adept.
Desirable.
' She chewed her
bottom lip and
smiled her
lovely quirky smile.
'Thank you.
'Quick, before you go upstairs, tell me
how it could be improved? The steaming tea line?' She took a
deep breath.
'Well.
you seem to start the majority of sentences with
personal pronouns.
' I shrugged. Free
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webcam.
She tilted her
head.
'I, she, he, you?' 'But
what else can I do?' 'Actually, you do it sometimes, so it's
nothing new to you.
Swap it around, like with the coat sentence earlier.
Think of another way of saying it.
'
All I could
think of saying was unbutton the rest of your overall for me, love, but somehow resisted
even though I knew she was all but
naked underneath.
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She frowned.
'As an
example, there was a
line earlier.
"I
closed my laptop, blushing.
" That would be
better as, "Blushing, I closed my laptop.
" Get it?' I
looked back, glanced back.
My eyes darted back.
Searching, my eyes darted upwards towards their
primary target.
'Okay.
' It took me a moment, but the penny eventually dropped,
and when it
did, it clanged and
bounced and
rolled around endlessly
inside me.
'I've
got it: "As blue eyes surfed across the screen she slowly sipped her steaming
tea.
"
Like that?' 'Not
really, but that's almost too
beautiful to
change.
"Surfed across the screen.
" And you
added an adjective too!' She was pleased with me. Sex and the
city 3 samantha.
Confidence swelled my
chest.
'Blue, yeah, but should I
have used something more
exotic?
Aquamarine, azure.
' 'What
colour are my
eyes?' The question pricked me and I deflated.
Her eyeballs rolled, distorting
their closed shaded lids.
'
Let me
see them.
' 'No.
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online com.
You're the writer.
You decide.
You've described them as green and blue.
Which is it? Blue, green, or
one of
each?
Make your mind up.
'
Momentarily perplexed, I realised I had no choice but to
play along.
'Er.
blue.
Sapphire blue.
' '
Sure?
There's no going
back!' '
Yes.
'
Lengthy lashes rose, lids peeled back and the
twin gems
sparkled.
'
Good choice.
'
Checking for continuity, I
swapped an earlier green for a blue then
read the eye
line aloud.
'As blue eyes surfed across the screen she slowly sipped.
' 'That's great.
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I can hear the surf in all those esses.
and it's good to
sometimes start
with a connective.
As you did then? Try
others too:
although; while;
whereas; despite, meanwhile.
There's lots of 'em.
Maybe
even try beginning a sentence with an adverb: slowly;
quickly; eventually; seductively.
' 'I'll try.
' She spoke slowly and deliberately.
'While you're upstairs, I'll try.
' 'Okay.
' Quickly I made
for the
door.
'Where are you going?' 'Upstairs. Sex free
usa.
You said
that while I was upstairs.
' Incredulity twisted her features.
'
Sit down! It was
just an example.
' Slowly confusedly I sat down.
'And don't forget the comma.
' 'Where?' 'After the adverb - quickly, slowly - and
always after the dependent clause.
' A shrug raised my shoulders.
'After "across the screen" in that steaming tea sentence.
'
Sighing at my obvious incomprehension, she reinforced
her point.
'After the bit you took
from the end of the sentence and put at the
beginning.
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show.
Yes?' 'Okay, but please stop using
long words.
' 'It's you who
should start using long words.
And
short words.
Different words.
Don't forget to
use the thesaurus.
Constantly, unswervingly, unremittingly, steadfastly.
' Her enthusiasm bounced
off the walls and
ceiling, settled on the
computer's
keys and
gradually seeped into my waiting
fingers.
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lifeguard sex.
Slowly and seductively, she winked.
'After me, a thesaurus is a
writer's
best friend.
'
After machine gunning another thousand words, I paused and read it over.
This was
more like it.
Jessica
came down from cleaning the
bathroom.
She
rubbed her
rubber-gloved hands together and raised her eyebrows.
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Rubbing her rubber-gloved hands together,
she raised her meticulous eyebrows.
'Well?' 'Yeah.
All ready for you to rip to pieces.
' She
laughed.
'Before I do that.
I didn't
say anything earlier, but all those vital statistics, like at the
beginning when you described
yourself?
Samantha sex picher. They have to go.
' 'What? No
way! I was painting.
no, building a
picture!' 'Sounds more like you're introducing a contestant in a
beauty pageant! You should show
your characters to the reader
rather than telling 'em about them.
' 'Lots of
people I know do it like that.
' 'Well they shouldn't.
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It's rubbish.
You
don't introduce people in real life like that: here's John,
five foot eleven, a hundred and seventy pounds,
black hair, seven inch
dick blah, blah, blah.
Do
you?' My
first thought was, 'My
name's not John,' though somehow
managed to suppress it.
'No, I don't suppose so.
' 'It's like, "
Here's the vital
statistics of the bloke and the
bitch he's just
about to fuck.
" No
story, no mystery, nothing.
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cams overseas.
He's like some kind of
catalogue model and she's like a
blow-up
doll.
So he fucks her! So what?
Who cares what the
fuck they
get up to in their ill-described
world?' She spoke
passionately and I had to admit there was something in what she
said.
'Yeah,' I nodded thoughtfully, 'I'll
work on that.
' As the gorgeous
girl stood before me, eyes almost
level with mine, she rested her bright
yellow gloves on her shapely hips, accentuating the
curve of her
tiny waist.
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